J - Jokes

J is for Jokes.  Gardening Jokes, that is!

Old jokes... new jokes... borrowed jokes... even some stolen jokes... just joking!  Credit given where available.  Most are just silly old riddles and puns. 

*What did the rabbit call the lettuce patch?
An all you can eat buffet!  

*You know why you shouldn't grow potatoes in the bathroom?
They are full of eyes!

This little cutie was named Oreo, or Ori for short.  This photo was taken when she was nearly a new born. Unfortunately, she became ill and passed away at the veterinarian's office at only one year of age.  She is buried in the herb garden.

*What did one ex say to the other?
"Lettuce romaine friends."

*What is Boo when I leave the house?
A melon-collie.
(That one takes some prior knowledge of Boo, our Border Collie mix, and how he gives up on life when I'm not home.)
When I'm home... Mr. Smiley.

When I'm gone...  the family says he looks at them like they are "Satan-Hitler" and have done something with Grandma!

*If March winds bring April showers, and April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims! 

*Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup.  After a couple of spoonfuls, he saw a circle of wetness right under the bowl on the tablecloth. He called the waitress over and said, "It's all wet down here.  The bowl must be cracked."  The waitress said, "You ordered the vegetable soup, didn't you."  "Yes," he replied. "Well, maybe it has a leek in it."  (Milton Berle)

*You can't plant your Spring veggies if you haven't botany.  (Say it again... it will come to you!)

*A man in jail received a letter from his wife. "I have decided to plant some tomatoes in the garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The man, knowing that the guards read all the mail, replied, "Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the garden! That is where I buried the bodies!"
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife.
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
The man wrote another letter, "Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"
(author unknown - there are various versions of this joke out there.)

*Remember when we tiptoed through the tulips?  Now we only waddle through the weeds.

*Why isn't anyone laughing at my jokes?
Are they too corn-y?  

*The Objection to Being Stepped On by Robert Frost
At the end of the row
I stepped on the toe
Of an unemployed hoe.
It rose in offense
And struck me a blow
In the seat of my sense.
It wasn't to blame
But I called it a name.
And I must say it dealt
Me a blow that I felt
Like a malice prepense.
You may call me a fool,
But was there a rule
The weapon should be
Turned into a tool?
And what do we see?
The first tool I step on
Turned into a weapon.

Thanks for putting up with J for Jokes!  Keep up with K tomorrow!